It's now been more than 20 years since I've used drugs or alcohol. Whew!
I don't believe a day has gone by without being exposed in some way, or fantasizing about using again- but I haven't. I can't. It will lead to my incarceration or death by overdose for sure. It could also trigger another psychological break which would lead to incarceration of a different kind- time in a mental institution.
You see- I am also recovering from mental illness- another product/outcome of my DNA and social- emotional-economic upbringing. I've been diagnosed with everything from schizo-affective disorder, depression, suicidal, ADD, depression to bi-polar. I don't believe I am any or all of these diagnoses- but I'm pretty far away from "normal" and I always have been.
I used drugs and alcohol for many years to self-medicate, feel connected to this world, and get by. I rarely got high- I called it: "getting normal." I wasn't referred to as "Abby-Normal" for nothing. I believe I had- and still have a complicated mixture of issues including a predilection or predisposition to addiction, mental illness, self-destructive behaviors, and hyper-sensitivity. Combine these issues with being very introspective and highly intelligent- the plot thickens...
I'm outspoken and open about my recovery, and I'd like to share my adventures here. Please join me by asking questions, leaving comments, and being as honest as I will be.
One Day At A Time is the only way I can live my life right now- I am clean, serene, and dealing with my mental illness.
Dear, brave soul! Congratulations! It takes super powers a) to keep yourself sober and face the world when you are hyper-sensitive and have an understanding of reality that rates above average, b) to come out in the open and expose yourself, out in the open. Much against the norm - where everybody is projecting a fabricated image about him/herself to others, in order to blend in and be 'a part of the group'- you are saying it as it is with the risk of alienation. I bet it is cleansing and liberating! I can't help but keep some hope in humanity when I meet people like you. Stay positive, strong and tell your story! A lot of people out there want to hear it and believe in themselves...
ReplyDeletep.s. we both know you are not the weak one...
thank you kindred spirit- your words mean more than
Deletei can express