NOT toasting to 2013...

Whelp-
the clock just struck midnight...

It's a New Year: 2013!

I'm not holding a glass of champagne, a shot of tequila, or a juicy bong hit.

I'm home with the dogs, watching the "Portlandia" marathon, and writing this first blog of the new year.  I've never really been a "celebrator" of New Year's Eve- certainly not interested in "ringing it in" by getting high or drunk. Not for me even when I was using- because I was high anyway- so it didn't matter...

I am thrilled that we can say that the year 2012 is now behind us- because it was quite a difficult one for me.  I am still trying to make sense of what transpired, and I am both in disbelief that I have NOT turned to drugs as an escape, while I am proud of myself for NOT doing so.

My ongoing resolutions: to remain drug and alcohol free, maintain my mental health, and work on losing more weight and exercising to improve my overall wellness.

I wish everyone a safe, healthy, and drug-free 2013-
it's gonna go One Day At A Time for me...

my ongoing recovery process

It's now been more than 20 years since I've used drugs or alcohol. Whew!

I don't believe a day has gone by without being exposed in some way, or fantasizing about using again- but I haven't. I can't. It will lead to my incarceration or death by overdose for sure.  It could also trigger another psychological break which would lead to incarceration of a different kind- time in a mental institution.

You see- I am also recovering from mental illness- another product/outcome of my DNA and social- emotional-economic upbringing.  I've been diagnosed with everything from schizo-affective disorder, depression, suicidal, ADD, depression to bi-polar.  I don't believe I am any or all of these diagnoses- but I'm pretty far away from "normal" and I always have been.

I used drugs and alcohol for many years to self-medicate, feel connected to this world, and get by.  I rarely got high- I called it: "getting normal."  I wasn't referred to as "Abby-Normal" for nothing.  I believe I had- and still have a complicated mixture of issues including a predilection or predisposition to addiction, mental illness, self-destructive behaviors, and hyper-sensitivity.  Combine these issues with being very introspective and highly intelligent- the plot thickens...

I'm outspoken and open about my recovery, and I'd like to share my adventures here.  Please join me by asking questions, leaving comments, and being as honest as I will be.

One Day At A Time is the only way I can live my life right now- I am clean, serene, and dealing with my mental illness.